Starting a conversation with your parents regarding having support at home can be difficult to navigate. Picking the right time is crucial; use gentle questions rather than being too direct, and avoid words like 'care' and lean more towards 'support' or 'help'.

Approach

• Start conversations when you see the small changes, don't wait until there is a crisis, as this can be more stressful for both you and your loved one.
• Choosing the right time and place is vital, not when other people are around, as it could be a distraction or when they are watching their favourite television programmes.
• Emphasise that the help is intended to keep them at home longer and not to take away their independence or freedom.
• Try to use open-ended questions, "What extra help would make life easier? "or "How are you managing with day-to-day tasks?"

During the conversation

• If you have noticed areas that they seem to be struggling with, use these as your questions: "I noticed that you are having trouble keeping up with the cleaning".
• Suggest small steps; don't jump in with an offer to get support 7 days a week (unless it is needed), maybe just once or twice a week.
• Listen to what they are saying and allow them to air their views, such as worries about losing their independence or having strangers in the house.
• Raise your concerns, but gently, "I worry you are doing too much ", or share a story about someone else who has used care services and how it has helped.

Making it easier

• Include other people, maybe a sibling, GP or one of their friends, but make sure you approach it as a team and not as a confrontation, or it could look like you are ganging up on them.
• Be patient; this may take more than one conversation, and they may need some time to think it over.
• Choose your words carefully by avoiding the use of "care" as it can cause a negative reaction; use words such as "little extra help" or "support".